brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
