I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
