I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
