so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
