I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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