who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
