There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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