Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
