Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
