Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
