just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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