I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My brain says no but my pants say off.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
