What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
