You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
