i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
