He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
