I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have tasted many bathrooms
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
