Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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