the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
whose ass print is on the piano?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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