I puked a lego.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
