Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
