I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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