I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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