haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
