addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
