I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
