She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
