My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
