omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He felt like a one man threesome
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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