the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
