Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
