throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
