she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Randomize
