i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
