he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
