YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
