Its about making memories worth repressing
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
