We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
