covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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