I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
