Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I want a musical about memes.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
