She's JV to your varsity
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
