Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
