I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
