apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
