literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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