Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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