Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
