K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
