It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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