Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
