I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
