So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
