well you can't waste a boner
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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