I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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