hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Enjoy the penises
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
