when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
worst night to have a conscience
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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