oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Less talking, more tequila
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just blew my weed a kiss
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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